After losing 2 cats, then opening up, adopting another and losing her soon after too, person is afraid to adopt again, but the internet encourages them, and they end up foster-failing the sweetest kitten

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Aug 22, 2026 10:15 AM EDT

Opening up to adoption again after losing your soul-cat is one of the most difficult things. 

Our love for cats is insane. It's so big. Every cat that we see, we instantly love. Every stray cat, every friend's cat, every online cat, we want to adopt them all. Of course, we have cats of our own, and adopting another is not quite that easy when we already have cats. But we want to adopt. We want to be those people who save cats, no matter how many of them there might be. We want to have cats always, at every stage of our lives. And yet, at the same time, we cannot ever imagine loving a cat as much as we do ours. We know our time with them is not forever, and we do want to keep adopting, but we have no idea how we will ever do it while dealing with the loss. That's the question that the person whose story we'll be covering today asked too. 

This person's story is a little more difficult than the one we described. They had two soul-cats, both of whom crossed the rainbow bridge within a short time of each other. That's hard enough, but then, a few months later, they adopted another cat. They thought this cat was healthy, that they would have many years together, only to find out that the shelter they adopted from didn't disclose some medical information, and for this cat to cross the rainbow bridge after a couple of months. This kind of loss is too big, but this person's love for cats remained just as big even after everything. They kept fostering cats, trying to help them, and before they knew it, they started feeling themselves bond. But they didn't know whether they should take the risk again, and they asked the internet for advice. 

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    "How do I know if I should adopt my foster?"

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    I have a foster cat who has been with me for close to 2 weeks now. It's my second time fostering. I have been thinking about possibly adopting her but am feeling torn.
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    A bit of back story: I lost my soul cat in December of 2024 and his "sister" just a few weeks later. I adopted another cat a couple months after their passing and she ended up having serious health issues that the shelter had not disclosed. She was only with me for about 6 months before I had to help her cross the rainbow bridge.
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    After all that trauma and grief, I have been hesitant to adopt again. I had my first foster cat in November and thought about adopting him but ultimately knew I wasn't ready.
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    I feel like I have built a bond with my foster cat now though and get really sad when I think of not adopting her.
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    I got an unexpected text late last week from the woman I am fostering for saying that she found a possible adopter and asking me my schedule for that day.
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    She had told me previously that she always gives first preference of adoption to the foster before placing them for adoption, and none of this had been mentioned to me so I was surprised. She is a local grassroots rescue run out of her home so it's just her, there isn't anyone else to communicate with.
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    I ended up getting on the phone with her to clarify my feelings about possibly wanting to adopt her.
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    Now, I can't tell if I'm just skeptical of how weird the situation sounds or what, but she said she has this friend of hers that she has "worked with for 10 years" (let's call him Bob) and she talked to Bob and he has a friend (let's call the friend Fred) who lives alone and apparently needs a companion.
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    The rescue woman said she thinks my foster is the perfect cat for him. She was trying to have Bob literally come pick the cat up that same day and take him to Fred's house without Fred ever having met or interacted with her or anything.
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    I find that so strange and don't trust that she would be going to a good person. I'm not even sure if the guy knows he's getting a cat from his friend?
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    I'm not sure how to handle this. When I told her I might be interested in adopting but needed more time to decide, she told me to take the weekend and think about it. But she was also kind of guilt tripping me about it and almost seemed like she was trying to talk me out of it.
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    She asked if I would still foster if I adopt. She said she "wouldn't hold her back from me" but that there are plenty of other foster cats to fall in love with. It almost felt like she was minimizing how I felt about it but maybe I'm just being sensitive?
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    I need to give her a decision by tomorrow, and I know I need to make that myself, but I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to do that and how to handle feeling like she doesn't want me to adopt the cat.
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  • This is one of the reasons why it's so, so important for shelters to disclose all medical information. It's lucky that they encountered someone who was willing to deal with a loss like this, because someone else would have returned the cat and traumatized the cat further. It is always better to disclose, even if it means losing an adopter. Because that adopter wouldn't have been the right one in the first place. 

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    "Update: foster fail"

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    I posted about 6 months ago asking how I would know if I should adopt my foster cat so I figured I would share an update that I foster failed. Everyone meet Josie! (like Josie and the Pussycats)
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    EDIT: wow, thank you guys for the awards!! That's so kind Sorry I couldn't respond to all the comments but Josie and I genuinely appreciate the love and support so much!
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aww wholesome cat adorable adoption heartwarming cute adopted story Cats rescue
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